Lost for Words by Alice Kuipers

Author:Alice Kuipers [Alice Kuipers]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Young Adult, Contemporary, David_James Mobilism.org
ISBN: 9780061429224
Publisher: HarperTeen
Published: 2009-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

MONDAY, APRIL 3RD

Mum came into my room just now. She sat on the edge of the bed and told me a friend of hers was coming over a week from Friday. She said she’d be really happy if I could be there. I could tell from her voice that she was nervous but also kind of excited. I remembered how she’d been going to that support group and how she had tried to talk to me a couple of times recently. And now here she was sitting on the end of my bed smiling. What was going on with her? I lay there and flung my arm over my eyes.

She said, “Are you all right?”

“I didn’t think you’d even noticed.”

“That’s not fair, Sophie.”

“What’s fair about life, Mum?” I said. I squeezed back the tears that were fizzing up.

I thought for a moment she was going to put her hand on my shoulder and I thought for a moment she was going to make it all better so I could say to her, “I miss you.”

Except she said, “I don’t know what to do, Sophie. I really am trying. I know it’s not good enough. I know I haven’t been doing very well.”

Even though you’d think what she’d said would have made me feel better, it didn’t. It was like I went crazy. Like the right numbers had been rolled into the combination lock and I was opened up. I sat suddenly and yelled at her to get out. I told her I didn’t want to meet her stupid friend and I was sick of us pretending. Mum’s face went slack. The light faded from her eyes. I hadn’t realized until it was gone that she’d had light there because it’s been so long since she’s looked happy. I’d just made her miserable again. I couldn’t stop though; I yelled, “You don’t care about me!”

“I’m sorry, Sophie,” she said. “I’m doing my best. I promise. I’ve been going to a support group to try and get myself together. I know how hard this is—”

“You never have time for me. You never even see me. And now you have a friend coming over and everything is supposed to be FINE?” I could hear how horrible I was being. And then I caught her look. I said, “Your friend is a man, right?” Even as I said it, I was hoping she’d tell me I was wrong.

She looked down and then looked back up at me, tears in her eyes. She said, “Please, Sophie. He’s just a friend. And I have been trying, I have, but I don’t know how to make this better.”

What was I supposed to say to that? I couldn’t make things better. It was my fault in the first place. It was my stupid shoelace. I was on the far side of the bed from her and tears leaked out of me. I said, “You have no idea what it was like. No one has any idea what I live with EVERY day.

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